Hello again! I am in that magical time between semesters where I have a few weeks to do nothing but zone out. The new year celebrations are behind us, and that means that I am slowly starting to ramp up my mental load. I thought it would be nice to write something here to wake my mind up out of its burnout recovery slumber. 

I wanted to document a feeling that I have been having recently when I am out in public. I am feeling the slow sting of becoming old.

In 2025, I turned 30 years old. As the clock struck midnight, I listened to “Coming of Age” by mxmtoon (a song I really recommend). The song talks about how the artist’s story is no longer a coming of age story anymore. She is grown. She is handling how to be an adult. As I rested my head against my partner’s shoulder, I cried. My story is no longer one of the untapped potential of a young person on the rise. I’m a known quantity. There are no longer people who are surprised to see my success. No one looks at my abilities with a sparkle in their eye, hopeful for the next generation. Now, my generation is the one doing the admiring. My generation is the one having children and those children are the ones with yet-to-be-seen potential. My generation and people my age are no longer untapped potential for humanity, we are the primary cogs in the machine.

There are some really important benefits of this realization. With the new realization that my generation was not somehow special and about to bring radical change to the world, I look at the ones who came before me. When I look at my seniors, I no longer see another species, but rather the spark of life inside them that once thought that they too were at the top of the world. At one point, my parents thought the Earth revolved around their narratives, and then I was born and they realized that their goals were no longer to be disruptors, but rather to help me build my future as role models. 

Part of these delayed feelings of maturity probably come from the fact that at 30, I do not have children of my own. People who graduated years after I did are now parents of multiple children. They have homes, new vehicles, marriages, investment portfolios, nice healthcare, and can afford to go to the grocery store and just buy what they need. When you are in that position, maybe it is easier to see where to fit into the bigger picture. 

I’m not like that. I’m changing careers and still working on my master’s degree as I ring in the third decade of my life. My finances are far from stable, and I still am dreaming of the career I will have one day where I can make a difference. Maybe, then, it makes sense why I feel out of place.

I wonder if there ever will be a point in my life where I finally say, “I’m a real adult”. Maybe this post is that moment.

Well, thanks for reading my latest stream of consciousness! My president just kidnapped another country’s president and is likely about to start a war for oil. I finally graduated with my BSW (Bachelor’s of Social Work) degree and I haven’t even talked about it here! I’ve got a goldmine of things to talk about! Stay tuned.